it's not liar liar 2, assholes

"more like irreversible meets honey i shrunk the kids"

ATTENTION A.D. FANS,

I haven't read this yet but there was a big picture in Variety so maybe it will truly be a film someday...

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117997600.html?categoryid=3493&cs=1

si

the sexy beat of the month

Heard this for the first time on the drive in this morning. Love the lyrics, love the groove...but clearly I could've made a cooler video for it. No offense, whomever. Somehow it turned out startlingly appropriate for The blog.

Because everyone keeps asking me to post this

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

I haven't even watched it yet but I am certain it's worth a few laughs/lafferoos as I call them.

ho ho oh?

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1892289

It's only one community's perspective...it takes a village to stop holiday buggery, in these wild times. I want to go Christmas caroling, or to that place in Home Alone 2 where you can watch free choir performances if you're down with hanging with Old Bird Lady.

Hmmm...top Holiday movie vote to come? I always stand behind

w i n t e r

Happy Last Week of Work, show biz brethren! Go out this weekend and see a movie...just not Seven Pounds or Bedtime Stories (remember how shitty Click made you feel? even if you were one of the few "special" folk who enjoyed it?)

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/film-reviews/film-review-yes-man-1003922575.story

Time to get busy. When's it gonna snow?

so much depends on the weather

and these cold nights have got me feelin run down like whoa. But it is Friday which has me feelin mighty fine. Plush, even.



Holy shit, how is this 15 yrs old already? I thought it was only yesterday I was putting away my Looney Tunes vinyls and turning on MTV to see some red-haired heroin addict belt out vocals like a sonic wave.

Gotta love the funhouse setting. Definitely some European influences here.

A Film Worth Watching!

Since most of '08 was spent watching The Wire and Oz, I didn't really see that many movies. But yesterday, I saw In Bruges...Just in time for Colin Farrell to get a Golden Globe nom for his performance in it, which I must, MUST say was good. Hilarious. Sad. Exciting. Best of all, Irish.

But really, Ralph Fiennes is the actor of all actors in this film. He looks as if he might explode everytime the camera is on him. A-list dwarf Peter Dinklage also turns in a memorable side-role as (drum roll please) an actor who's a dwarf who does Ketamine. Oh look, the film also garnered a Best Comedy/Musical nomination. I guess I'm not the only one with good taste, though I do take my film recommendations from Netflix.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/in_bruges/

l.a.

yeah........this oughtta cover me for one day. Thanks MR for the incorrect Link!!!

http://chrisdaneowens.com/video.html

Honestly, the video is shot so well...it's like using a NASA camera to photograph a shitstain.

Wow, this made no sense to me when it first aired

Seinfeld in Oz
Uploaded by renzo433

"here for good time, not long time"

The title refers to a quote in a Bigfoot autobiography JG just handed down for me to take a gander at. Yes, re-read that and note that it's a Bigfoot autobio. It's a joke, and a funny one at that. Even the publisher has a funny name (Manic D Press).

I think about Duane Allman (November 20, 1946 – October 29, 1971), and Jimmy Dean (I don't know much about him but he seems to be a solid archetype of the LIVE FAST DIE YOUNG mentality...Chris Farley/John Belushi. Those who were here for the good times, not a long time. Then there are all those who have been here for long times, not good times...like O.J., John Grisham, and starlight mints. And then there's Grace Slick (10/30/39) who helps us re-define the paradigm of a Middle ground. Get caught up chasing white rabbits up rabbit holes, sprinklin' snow on bowls, spark butane, we got the Rolls, singing souls still pay tolls, and 69 years for whom the bell tolls.

We joke that all blogs become music critiques at some point along the way, probably cause music is an intrinsic element to the creative soul, which 49.5% of Bloggers posess. But this is really just a shout out to brethren who passed before I came to exist. A triple-scorpio who died on his motorcycle at the threshhold of what could've been a long career with ups and down and flushes and busts...still gets props from music lovers today, and always will.

Early Oscar Picks!!

Picture: MILK

Actor: EASTWOOD (Gran Torino)

Actress: McDORMAND (Burn After Reading)

s. act: HEATH LEDGER (Dark Knight)

S. act: Blanchett? (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button)

Director: HOWARD (Frost v Nixon)

Screenplay: COENS (Burn After Reading)

And the only damn one I've seen is Batman! Bah.

and the award that they should give if comedy still gets ignored:

Comedian: JAMES FRANCO for Pineapple Express

and we're back

The next two weeks are gonna HURT so at least we got this.

comments are funny

http://www.birkoph.com/Wolf_tshirt.htm

I would get this sleeveless...that's just how I roll. Read the comments and laugh. Have a good weekend, lovers.

Why I Dislike Hockey (players)

So, I've never known a hockey player I liked. Some Hockey fans are ok, especially if they're Canadian or not fully evolved. The movie Slapshot was funny. http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=395722

I think most NHL players are the scum of the earth. They live to fight and fuck. And apparently, it's Elisha Cuthbert that's helping most of them live the dream. But for once, I am going to take her side...her ex SEAN AVERY is a fucking prick, defined. He wants to air his jealousy/cockiness/what-have-you publicly? You're a rich, white athlete dude, who's been all up in some amazing booty. Air it out on the ice, jerkoff. I'll let the pros comment more eloquently. ADDENDUM: That smug fuck must've known there'd be backlash and now he gets a little extra press attention. He would kick my ass more than likely, but I would enjoy fighting him OFF the ice and teaching him about a little thing called respect.

"More than anything, he's let his teammates down. That's the worst part of it," (NHL Legend Bret) Hull said. "It's basically a fundamental -- you don't embarrass the team and you carry yourself with class and good character. I've told him before, there's more to the game than just lacing up the skates. There are things you have to be accountable for."

"Either way, I hope he’s having a nice time prancing through that meadow of blind optimism, because he's pretty much begging three teams to take his head off." -wwtdd.com

California Lack o' Love

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Ghostz n Goblinz

Thanks to STDemon superfan WonderWoman aka JG, I was made aware of this man, the Irate Gamer. Hopefully it's not like that time I "discovered" Staind and they went on to suck. I picked this video because, as a lad, this video game was Pure Crack to me.

an old stand-by

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

I can't help but think this outlandish parody helped put a quick end to French Stewart's short-lived career. Someone told me he was doing hardcore bi-porn up in Malibu so that he could make a reality show about the experience and air it on...Spice PPV?

Norm MacDonald is a saint among comedians and a devil amonst men...have you still not seen DIRTY WORK? Damn it, Farley should still be alive for more bit parts so memorable..."Time to pay the fiddler, whore!!!"

More Beats

Laugh or dance...I don't care. Who are you? What month is it?

In Summary

Thanksgiving was time off, not particularly "well" spent but not a waste either. Highlights include making beats on fruity loops 8 Demo, losing in NBA2K8 with team comprised of 'Zo Mourning/Shaq/Steve Smith/T.Hardaway/P.Ewing (how does anyone pull that off??), and a lot of music-listening. Wrote an opening scene for a pilot I might keep working on...and I saw this movie:


*One of the best chase scenes ever

*Guy Ritchie film style still holds up

*Awesome ensemble as usual with a stand-out perf by Mark Strong and my first glimpse at the talents of Gerard Butler. And Thandie Newton? Hottie. And a shout out of Idris Elba's/Stringer Bell's performance, still gangsta even when speaking all britishy.

My rating: 4/5 Leafs

Gobble goggle gickle

Think most of us heard about this little ditty yesterday:




Anyway, since I'm stuck in Los Angeles for the holiday, I'm not feeling very festive. In fact, the most festive I've ever felt was when my Mom's birthday was on Thanksgiving and we went out with her fiance and I won $250 on football while drinking legally (I had just turned 21).

So then, how to celebrate this year, 3,000 miles from family and free food...?

I know!

A, B, and C

quote o.t.d.

Jeremiah (to me, on 'OZ') I can't wait till you get to that...

it's seriously like having someone just alternate kicking you in your testicles and punching you in the stomach for like 10 minutes

...(Me: I can't wait!)

Temporarily obsessed...

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/cd_reviews/article5199113.ece

I'd offer a film-theory style analysis of the themes and what not going on (like the colorful dominance of the Amazonian women and the symbolism of the tribesmen perhaps informing us of a primal, dark corner of Kanye's psyche). Et cetera, et cetera. I like the Drop It Like It's Hot video more, but then again, I haven't watched Love Lockdown on heavy drugs. yet.

Nice shoes, Wanna ____?

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Talks With Mike Greenman

I laughed

Before you ask what hip hop has to do with this blog, I'd like to remind you that beats are sexy...great beats are sexier...Scott Storch beats were awesome, but now he's a deadBEAT.

I'm just tryna find what I need...

pedal down the foot hillz

dyno with the black mags.

ThankYou!

Quote of the Day

A: (to me) boy, you've let some unimportant girls mess your life up

*Let's hope that's not true. Obama will make it all better.


And in honor of that, I present to you this lovely picture of a man who seems to be in a similar place, despite the fact that he's on 50,000 billboards and I have a blog readership in the one-digits.

You Ignorant Slut

Just had Dan A.'s immortal words on my mind...no good reason, but damn does he deliver them with the wryest of gusto!

Fuck Yeah!

DUSTIN PEDROIA

MVP 2008

American League

118 Runs

.326 BA

17 HR, 83 RBIs, 20 SB

oh, and a Gold Glove

For Your Consideration (if you could vote for such things)

Yes I took this picture with my blackberry, sorry but Warners didn't want me to have access to their original negative of this LEGENDARY frame. Did you think it was The Joker standing there in the first scene? I bet if you did you quickly changed your mind, just like Chris Nolan wanted you to. I remember that hungover Saturday morning, seeing that whacky clowncrook on the street corner and saying "That guy carries himself like a pro, I bet it's Heath." But then I changed my mind, nah, they'll save the big Joker reveal for later. And it wasn't much later...and now with today's issue of Daily Variety, that ambiguously creepy-cool establishing shot from THE DARK KNIGHT will live in infamy and we'll all be waiting to see if H.L. gets posthumous Oscar gold.

anon. Quote of the Day

"Now I know how you feel to introduce someone to greatness."
re: The Wire


Step 2: Creating greatness whilst acknowledging an understanding of it.

Step 3: $elling greatness and reevaluating just what greatness is.

don't even know the meaning of life/ain't seen a thing/and you dreaming/flooding the scenery/with yayo and greenery/but for now, you stickin’ em with the heavy machinery.”

garfield minus garfield

http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/ contrib by MR

photo by dp (90046)

This is the kind of thing I really dig (note the one g), as I am a devotee of the existential struggle my high school English teachers taught me about with the help of Camus and Sarte.

Hope you're LOL'ing by now. Happy HUMPDAY, stranger.

Planning for the Holidays without a destination

Thanksgiving in LA...fine by me, though it seems much realer in the New England setting I came to know and got used to. But at least here I can get nice and toasty before after and during eating. Last year we watched AMERICAN BEAUTY, instead of my traditional T-giving favorite THE PRINCESS BRIDE. Is it just me or do the Patriots never get a turkey day game? So sick of the Lions/Cowboys...what's that? Oh, Seahawks/Cowboys this year. Whup di-fucking-doo.

Christmas time in LA...No...please in the name of Science, Noooo! But alas, that will be the case. I plan on watching the entire 6th season of OZ, some SIX FEET UNDER, and possibly taking an overnight drive to Vegas where I can get this monkey off my back (he likes betting on football and the C's). A Chicago New Years may be in order, as might a Saint Diego excursion. MISSING: Article - How not to squander xmas bonus in matter of hours

What matters most is getting some idea while it's still '08 just what the hell I want out of '09, other than the usual laughter, love, pizza and smoothies. I want to write a fucking pilot, and I want to fucking sell it or make it myself. Boom. 12 months to accomplish that??? Stallone wrote ROCKY in three damn days.

too many act ones, no act threes. may the spiked eggnog show me the way from fade in to fade out. i'm going to turn to the Winters brothers and their legend to make this Winter a good one.

Actor Salute: JK Simmons

(as General Anderson in season two of Arrested Development)


J.K.: (leaning back in his chair, suggestively)
Maybe if you go...downtown.

Lucille: I haven't done that in 25 years...

She commences to sing the song "Downtown," though the General looked like he wanted a hummer.



This was the first moment I realized two things: Hey, I've seen this guy before in Spiderman. And hey, he's pretty good! Now that I watch "Oz" where he plays the defininitive villain of the show, a nazi with a penchant for rape, you really get to see what range he has and why he may never have trouble getting a job again.










(from the Sports Guy Bill Simmons):
"Semi-related note: I always get e-mails from readers wondering if my list of "favorite rewatchable cable movies" has expanded to include anything from the last few years. Actually, I have two additions: "The Departed" and "Little Miss Sunshine." You can jump in with either movie at any time. I also like the first 75 to 80 minutes of "Knocked Up," basically everything up until after Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen make the Vegas trip. (After that, it turns into a straight chick flick and bangs home the typical "If you're a dude, you have to lose your friends, your self-worth and all of your quirky traits to find true love" lesson that makes me want to punch Hollywood in the face.) I like the first 80 to 85 minutes of "No Country For Old Men" until Josh Brolin is talking to that girl at the hotel pool. Then I can't flick channels fast enough. And "Juno" has some serious potential if only because Vern Schillinger plays Juno's dad, and I keep waiting for him to rape the guy who knocked up his daughter. Is that one of the deleted scenes in the DVD? "

The more things Change...

Some would call last night and today Historic, and that it may be. Many are jubilant, almost as many scared. From 1865-1965, our country grew and a lot got worse and a lot got better. From 1965-2008, the country has hit a benchmark many never expected to see. Yet, from 1983-today, I have come to understand that nothing is black and white in this world because we don't even understand how our perception was formed in the first place and what humankind's truest capabilities are...But one thing remains a constant: When there is a celebration, I order pizza.

lol

http://defamer.com/hollywood/joaquin-phoenix/joaquin-phoenixs-mushrooms-kick-in-on-red-carpet-135381.php

I post old Joaquin news to distract from new news. Who knew(s)?

A disturbing birthday/Halloween weekend

I had fun, but the shock, trauma, and liver damage will last a lifetime, if not a short while.

Aside from Jack Daniels, Blue Moons, and the occasional Pink margherita, the #1 culprit for it all would be:

ADEBISI

Man he's terrifying...until you read his imdb bio, which takes the edge off like an oxycodone the size of Mercury. Taking baby steps toward the next episode despite warnings that it ain't gettin any tamer.

HAVE A HAUNTED HALLOWEEN!!!!

TOP TEN HORROR FILMS

by me a.k.a. an afficionado of the genre and the spirit of the season.

1 HALLOWEEN
2 A NIGHTMARE ON ELM ST.
3 THE EXORCIST
4 THE OMEN (1976)
5 THE SHINING
6 FRIDAY THE 13th Part 2
7 IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS
8 AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
9 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)
10 IT

If I had time I'd give a little breakdown on each one, but seriously...who's even reading??!!

happy halloween (though this has nothing to do with it)

Quarter Century, Quarter Ounce, Q's billiards

The greatest gift you can ever get is Love, which this flamboyant faux-video reminds me of. Love can be sexy. Love can surely be funny.



But if you can't get that, howabout an IM from an old flame saying "happy birthday!" ???

I'll take it.

So it's a lock?

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/the_big_picture/2008/10/hollywood-conse.html

tuesday morning

never really liked this dude until now, and only to a slight degree still.

if we're going after everyone, don't forget the germans (i'm part german...)

From Crackle: Cartoon (BANNED) - Bugs Bunny in (Herr Meets Hare)

The only cartoons is need of BANNING are Anime. All those colors...pure mindmush.

rock the vote, dumbfuck

http://wonkette.com/403787/john-mccains-brother-cussed-out-911

The GOP is basically a bunch of Joe McCains...entitled, combatative...hmmm, they're also a lot like Lindsey Bluth-Funke.

(link contrib by CH)

G-G-G-Great news!!!

Showtime renews 'Dexter'
Network picks up drama for two more seasons
By DANIEL FRANKEL

CBS showed 'Dexter' episodes briefly during the writers strike to offset a shortage of original programming, increasing the skein's exposure.

Showtime has picked up a fourth and fifth season of drama series "Dexter."
Production on season four is set to begin in L.A. in the spring and each campaign will span 12 episodes.
Skein stars Michael C. Hall as a Miami blood splatter expert who moonlights as a serial killer. Its Sept. 28 season premiere drew 1.2 million viewers, a 20% uptick over its season-two bow. Counting encore runs and other viewing, "Dexter" -- Showtime's highest-rated show last year -- garnered an aud of more than 3 million for its third-season premiere week.
Certainly, the additional exposure garnered by its brief CBS run in February didn't hurt these ratings, with the Eye airing "Dexter" to offset a shortage of original programming during the writers strike.
Skein nabbed an Emmy nom for drama series earlier this year while also winning a Peabody Award.
Season three of "Dexter" is exec produced by John Goldwyn, Sara Colleton, Clyde Phillips and Charles H. Eglee. (SOURCE: VARIETY.COM)

The great pay-cable shows tend to run between 5-6 seasons, so this is smart!

uhhh...

Hehe...

detective work

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/10/21/tv.anchor.attack.ap/index.html

I think the fact that she was in W got some crazed right-wing fan angry because he had a secret crush on her and thought she was pure and wholesome.

Then she appears in a work of the liberal media! Clearly, something made some nutcase think that the devil had his talons in the poor lady, and I hope they catch him so he can go to jail and learn Islam.

Hangin' with Bertram Cooper

Last night's sad dolley-out of the CEO of the MAD MEN office made me think deeply...at least, for a few moments before I jumped into the shower and began my manic Monday hoping a bolt of lightning would knock me out until next spring.

The situation is, despite a gut instinct not to sell out half his ad agency to "the brits," he finds himself in the minority, neither needing the substantial profits from a merger or wanting his office to now only really feel like half his office...Yet, as his partners in the company are exhuberantly subtle in their new business move, Bertram, or COOP as I call him, has no joy, no cause for celebration. He has gained more fortune and lost part of something he helped create.

Then I found out from amc.com that Coop is a big Japanese culture lover, so here is my 2 minute scene of what Coop does when AMC's cameras abandoned him and STDTV takes over:

INT. BERT COOPER'S PENTHOUSE - EVENING
"Geisha Orgy"
(coming later)

The secret to longevity?

(From CNN.com) When asked about the secret to her longevity, Cooper (103 yrs old) said,

"I don't know how it happened, but being cheerful had a lot to do with it. I've always been a happy person, a giggling person -- a wide-mouthed person!"

Sigh...that's the thought to get through this misery Monday.

If you don't see this, MaX Payne and the terrorists will win

http://www.foxsearchlight.com/thesecretlifeofbees/

Gotta support Alicia cause "Fallin'" was on one of my first "chill" mix tapes, for driving from B-town to Amherst, takin back roads packin green loads...I only remember one other song off that mix: MERCY MERCY ME by Marvin Gaye...the mix was chill. The Taurus...did not last long.

Victory of the Century

Kevin Youkilis: Keeping the sexy out of Major League Baseball.

'Me score big run!'

RE: re-re

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belchertown_State_School

We used to sneak around this place. Then the younger generation caused too much property damage and the place got locked down, circa 2002...

It is one of the creepiest mofo'in places i've ever been inside of. I was in it in the 80's (not due to my feeble mind, mind you) cause my folks worked there. I was in it in the 90's because it was the scary/fun thing to do and i hadn't discovered booze quite yet. I will probably never step foot there again. Place is fucking cursed. But the wikipedia take struck me as funny, so...laugh it up, re-re's.

when i hit i crush

Jungle Orangeman (3:16:41 PM): hey, do you know (actress) Laura Ramsey per chance?
telgezer (3:16:47 PM): do you leave near a brook?
Jungle Orangeman (3:16:53 PM): no...
telgezer (3:16:54 PM): I don't think so
Jungle Orangeman (3:17:02 PM): she's on Mad Men, she's super hot
telgezer (3:17:12 PM): who she play?
Jungle Orangeman (3:17:19 PM): Draper's new fling
telgezer (3:17:26 PM): no, I don't know her
Jungle Orangeman (3:17:28 PM): she reminds me a lot of a girl who used to **censored**
telgezer (3:17:41 PM): I can forward her that message if you'd like (he really could)
Jungle Orangeman (3:17:51 PM): by all means...
telgezer (3:17:55 PM): that could = wedding bells

Telgezer's a funny guy.

telgezer (3:15:27 PM): well happy birthday almost
telgezer (3:15:36 PM): don't get raped

Sidenote: here is a faux playlist for the day...

taxi by harry chapin

place to be by nick drake

friend of the devil by the grateful dead

anthony's song/movin' out by billy joel

sundown by gordon lightfoot

dirt by phish

tessie by the dropkick murphys

"I go flyin' so high when I'm stoned."~h.c.

See THE EXPRESS

because i probably will be too bummed to leave R. Blvd.

Ernie Davis

My favorite commercial ever aired (U.S. only)

Yeah, You remember this one...cause it was fuckin good. And for you sports lovers out there, tell me...How Many of these Ferocious Competitors will be seen in their respective sports' championships? I'd go 1 in 12 odds that Big Ben of the Steelers is the only one with half a chance...of course, by now I know that Mariano, Albert, and Torii are out of the mix. Urlacher shoulda done his thing to the Colts but DIDN'T...
LT, the tailback halfback runningback extrordinaire? Well, he's another story. PLEASE NOTE that David Fincher has directed the films: SEVEN, THE GAME, and FIGHT CLUB.



To dissect this would be a slapintheface to art, but I will say this: The world and life as we know it are wild, far from definable concepts that one can only experience, hope to experience, or be taught the method to the madness...leave nothing behind, you can't take it with you. Listen to this and think about it while you find some images of either: Faegan's, Dolce, or the doom fortress WATSON HALL...

Oh, did you ever notice Citysearch.com? If they paid me I'd be more inclined to promote them and their "this bar is good for cheap drinks, karaoke and kissing!" mantra, but alas...they are quite helpful when you live in this big City. Spelling the names of the Sushi places is a different story...somebody get that site a fuckin spellchecker!

TV Report: I love it (tv)

We've all heard the hoohah and the hey-hey-hey about AMC's "MAD MEN" but last night I watched a recent episode that just hit me in the heart...

Emmy winner John Hamm is a fucking pimp. He has the best job in the world right now, and I think Laura Ramsey's entrance into the show, an actress I'm not familiar with because I didn't bother to see THE RUINS, was a bonerific casting choice.

P.I.M.P. and TV's Best Actor ('07)

when you walked in the air went out

Wow, i really like HBO's TRUE BLOOD now...shocker that i say that the day after Anna Paquin's first big nude/sex scene and an ending that had bloodsuckaphiles everywhere feeling like they'd taken too many drops of V...(drug used in show like angel dust/ecstasy but it's Vampyr bloode)...It was an ep to pull in new fans and get haters thinking "Durn, maybe i weren't as smarts I thought!" Is this show about racism, anti-homosexuality, both, a+b/c...or just southern hospitality? (CUT TO: One of the many sex scenes HBO has given us over the past decade)

http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/?ntrack_para1=feat_main_text

a day late, a fuck short

http://www.sho.com/site/vip/home.do?source=m_cali2_home_sept08_vipep

Brilliant idea by SHOwtime to get their big season preems virally circulating. I have become a lover of both of these shows having only seen a season of each. One's about acting and murder, one's about sex and writing. Oh, the things that interest me...

PLayoffs

Who will make it? aka Who will go on to lose to Tampa?

They're in...

The fun starts Wednesday in Los Angeles/Anaheim. GO BOSTON GO BOSTON GO BOSTON GO BOSTON GO BOSTON!!!