I am sitting here, in the dark early onset of a Los Angeles evening, a hot white screen burning holes in my eyes but it's cool cause I just did something.
Walking back from the store, a King Cobra ready to go (yet unopened), I'm reflecting on the quasi IQ test I took today, online of course, but as part of some job recruitment thing. I was 3/3 on the practice test, but the bastards don't even give you your real score. I'll assume as usual I tested well...but I tested dumb. Meaning, at the part where you upload your resume, I did one of those half-assed attaches, where you select the file but get anxious and hit next before you've uploaded the fuckin thing.
So now I'm already putting myself in the head of the recruiter schmuck saying, "Gee whiz, Carol, do we want some fella working the desk that tests well in our timed, not wicked-easy aptitude test even if he can't pull his head out of his ass for 2 seconds and upload his resume? Christ, Carol, he'd at least go back onta the site and upload it later after realizing that it's a tough job market right now and even this useless job puts bread in your pockets, even if they're more akin to ass-crumbs?"
"I'm not going to debate the economy with you, Alouicious, but money's money" replied Carol. She--
Wait a second, this was supposed to be a monologue about...about........
Being a good test taker, being able to fairly evaluate a person's character, knowing wisdom, placing value on loyalty and love...BUT STILL too dumb to a) attach a resume and/or care about doing so b) plan ahead c) write a focused article on intellect vs. ego. (For all I know there could actually be a typo in here somewhere!! No wait, I see the spellchecker feature now) I mean, today I spend money on malt liquor first, medical bills second, eggs third...but to give myself credit I did not do anything so foolish today as say HEY I WANT STOCK IN GM!. (On Eggs: I just started cooking them to add to my infamously narrow repertoire of cereal and pasta; yesterday I debuted an old Pineapple BBQ Kielbasa recipe that was simply marvelous).
So does the guy hire me? Did you think he shouldn't? I mean, I'm certainly overqualified, and I do believe saying that proves I'm becoming The Ignorance that I've always so disliked. But I'm more dumb that ignorant, no doubt. So now that I've decided through my mind-meld with a fictional hiring man I don't know exists, I turn from interior to exterior, my first though being honestly: My teeth aren't going to hold up long since I didn't wear my retainer (one of my very few regrets, along with that other S.B. thing), so the million dollar smile of '02 has turned to the $450 smile of '09. And my face muscles may come to hurt from all the fake smiling. But there may be real smiles too...optimism...Ohhhmmm....optimism.....Ohhhmmmm. (zen noises) End it with a quote, Carol? Sure. "Serenity now, insanity later." Or an orignal (?): If you acknowledge you are dumb, you just got dumber.
Shit!
Star Trek was really good (and enhanced by imax; my imax virginity hath been taken). Age: 25 1/2
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